TO OTHER VENTURES

Maybe this was the turning point of my life. This accident! Maybe it is the one that made me this way. Now I am grateful, I have this glee in my heart that even when it shows or not I feel a certain warmth I cannot quite put into words. I am content, I want to live, I want things to my level best.

Recently I was involved in a shoot, something about that shoot that made me feel ,that is exactly how I want to live the rest of my life before I acquire my own horse farm :). The camera chose me. It was about framing the shot, giving the story some life. I felt good about it. I was the D.O.P. glad to have the camera with me for once. Something inside me tells me this is just the beginning.

Why Everyone Sucks

PHYSIOTHERAPY 101

“I believe that you do not need that anymore,” he said as he pointed at my crutch that leaned on the side of the chair next to me.

I looked at my leg swollen as a pig, dark and having toes point out different directions.

“but why Is it this swollen and painful” I ask. Tears almost welling up my eyes.

“Do you sit a lot? He asks

“No …

“Do you walk?”

“Yeah alot! Have you seen K.U.?”

“Okay…then there’s only one reason, this only shows there was trauma and it seems it was not handled well back then. When did you get the accident you say?”

“October 6^th”

“Then it should have healed by now,” he continues “what we do is we manage a wound as this one at the prime time so it goes to the normal way. Your leg should be able to go back to normal once it is under the right treatment. You should be able to do the activities you did even before the accident…were you doing any activity?”

“Activity? like physical or?” really getting confused and almost giving up

“Yeah something that requires your legs function…”he adds

“Oh yeah ,except from walking, I used to go to the gym, do a few aerobics, aahhh I used to horse ride, jog ,dance” I’m like should I continue cox the list is endless

“Okay then you should have recovered you full legs function by now. Can you please turn the leg from your ankle”

I do as instructed first slowly then faster as the time goes.

“then tilt it like this for me?” He asks

I do as told. It is abit smooth.

“Okay you see seems like the ankle is working on well so we just have to maintain the leg, We can do that by tying a crepe bandage around it.

“Oh yeah I had that before…”I cut him short. Finally I can see the is light

“Do you know how to tie it?” he asks

“Yes I’ve done it a million times…well almost a million times” I chuckle

He smiles

“Okay then just concentrate on the place most swollen. I will give you a prescription for the pain…”

“Aah Okay what time should I tie it?” I ask, now I’m concerned. The mere thought of the crepe bandage brought memories best kept as memories so it worried me that I was going back to having my leg tied again!

“In the morning as you start you day’s activities. Have it tied do you know why?”

I nod, no

“Ever noticed that your legs tend to swell more when you are seated because, the veinous system is thin and therefore doesn’t have a the pressure to pump the blood back after it has been pumped out of the heart and is getting back to the heart. Yeah? The arteries transport the blood to the rest of the body as it is coming back it goes back through the venous system. Having you seated and having the venous system so close to the skin, makes it even worse because then the pressure needed is twice as much. See its struggling to pump blood back up, you divide your body into two with the lower half choosing gravity .So most of the blood is concentrated at the legs bringing about the swelling…that’s why I was asking you if you seat a lot.” He explained

I’m like ohhhhhhh okay

Ah now I understand. We are both quiet, all that information slowly sinking in.

“I want you to go to room three, the nurses’ station and see if they have any crepe bandage.” He orders

I rise up and stretch to get the crutch.

No…he interrupts me “I want you to go without it.”

“Without?”, I ask just to have it clarified for me.

“Yes just go. It’s down the hall first room on your right.” He instructs

 

I stand up and go to the nurses’ station, there is no crepe bandage but there could be later on in the day.

“There no crepe bandages.” I say.

“Fine how about you come check later on?

“Yeah that’s fine…that’s what I was thinking about!” .

So do you agree with me that you do not need that?” I nod yes, “I want you to try walking without it tomorrow and see how it goes. Just carry it around and use it when absolutely necessary.

Okay …I say mildly not really sure if his idea was a good one because, K.U is far way too far and I live in Ruiru so the distance is doubled for me. However I say I will try it.

“Get on that and try to cycle it for me” he interrupted my stream of thoughts.

I get on top of the cycle and adjust the amount of resistance and start to pedal slowly.

“You see activities like this would help circulate and bring back the muscle in the leg. Do you swim?” He asks

“Yes…”

“Yes underwater therapy will also be advisable. Water massages the foot and it has resistance so it should be able to the same in like three weeks’ time” silent I just keep cycling in pain, “I want you to start this medications first to get rid of the pain and begin therapy immediately. You can come here and cycle at least twice a week ,get your schedule and fix it. Then you will tell me what you feel after that.”

“Okay”, i say as I get off the cycle. Tired already and in a lesser pain than I initially had.

Three days after both therapies I dropped the crutch and now I can walk without one even in K.U. It only takes one person to take the jigger out of the foot to make the leg right and while in most cases the shadows that haunt us live within us ,it requires one person to tell you the bitter truth for you to move on to the next stage in life. I am happy, I am already in that stage. Physiotherapy is working magic and I am hopeful I will walk very well and even be able to ride again, can’t wait for that! J

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TO MY MOTHER

Tears well up

At the retrogressive being I had conformed to

The pain that linger

At the look of yesterday

 

Bliss ?

No

Breath!

 

A break of dawn

A chance for another day

Another opportunity to be slapped

At the back!

To be spit on, at the glory of my sight,

 

Bliss?

No

breath!

 

My eyes caught the wrong one

The tender and gentle

Slimy

Soft and brutal

My heart ached for the

African savannah, harsh and clear

 

Bliss?

no

breath!

 

My days, are my past

The unending stretch to my

All obvious tarnished present

Darkness crawl

 

Bliss?

no

breath!

 

My black skin

Voluptuous body, true African woman

Violated, subjected

A prisoner of poverty

A prisoner to entanglement

 

Bliss ?

no

breath!

 

If it could say the words

If it could save me the agony

The pain of being an African woman

My pillow would say…?

 

Bliss?

No

Breath!

 

Breath! Breath! yes

it would tell me to

breath!

All can do is keep

Breathing

All can do is keep breathing

All I can do is keep breathing!

 

THE UNEXPECTED ENDINGS; happy new year!

 My year did not start as expected. Judging from the terrible conclusion I had last year, I did not expect to have it any better. There was just something about the first of January 2015,much as it found me in my worst of my worst ,jobless, idle ,sick and injured! Yes people I now I have the strength to confess that I was involved in a pretty bad accident that rendered me and my legs useless for the better part of last year’s close.

I remember the events of that day, October 6 2014, like it was yesterday. In fact there is no single day that I don’t remember them, considering that it is a car that hit me. My environment is full of cars, a replicated situation of my exact accident. Sometimes it wears me off and my heart jumps and I feel the need to run away out sight of anything in motion. Other times I want to just wait it out till I’m calm again to start walking, other times my friends hold my hand and assure me that everything is fine. Which I don’t necessarily believe but I have to accord to their confidence and choose their way. It is pretty clear that I am still pretty traumatized. I am however working on that and hopeful I will be able to manage it inwardly in case I am not able to just get rid of it all.

For the past 5 months, my life has been characterized by pain, depression, anger, tears, pain and more pain. There is no single day that passed without my crying either because my body was in great pain that never ceased to end or because I felt useless and a cabbage as I was. I pitied my mother who was forced by circumstances to take me in again like an infant. That was the worst feeling ever. Seeing her feed me clean me, gets me to thinking of just the love our mothers have of us. At the time I could not write, watch anything. All I felt was pain, I had forgotten how life was like without pain! I fell into depression. It is pretty easy to fall into depression in such instances because you feel like you are not half the person a normal person should be.

I was a super active person. My life was just how I had envisioned it, I had gotten an attachment within which I learned a lot. It really opened my eyes in film industry and I was happy to be doing so. It had a promising future for my resume. We were planning for a big production to be shot in December pre -production meetings had already began and production schedules underway. This gave me motivation to really press on. At the time my job was threatening to end ,however there was a fulfillment in it, my riding was becoming impeccable and I was doing jumps with the horse ,I could collect canters with no problems at all, hackouts were my thing. Girl I couldn’t be more proud than that and of course my job was always a reason to wake up every morning and heeds to its call besides the challenges it threw to my face.

Then I woke up and I cannot do all this any longer. My life was reduced to the bedside pain and meds. Who would fall into depression right? I remember how I kept asking how gravity could be defied. I remember how my leg was heavy I couldn’t lift it by myself-I needed someone to carry it for me, how they sewed by toes back together on, the experience I got after my toes started to decay then later on my foot, as the doctor told me “you are lucky we caught it early otherwise we could have amputated your foot”. I remember how my leg got so painful as I slanted it down, the pain was enormous, no amount of words can describe it. I always wondered how does something so obvious like putting your leg down become such a pain! I remember not sitting down because my left hip was in pain, a bruise! I remember my back pains and the tears. I remember the first time I held my crutches-a relief,I did not know how to use them for a long time. I remember when my dad and brother took me for a walk practice that lasted almost three hours ,a distance normally covered in 10 minutes. I remember the horrific dreams that kept recurring-a different version of my being hit by a car. I remember the daily dressing visits to the hospital. I remember it all. I remember trying to write it down and not being able to because I was caught up in this dark blanket.

Then the year came and I had to shave my hair, clean my phone as if leaving the past behind me. I went hiking still in my crutches. I went to school for my fourth year. First week is pain and agony. You all know how big K.U. Is and how tiring the distance a person covers daily? Now imagine a person with crutches. Something about the new year that told me all this will be history and I will walk again. Today is 10 feb,2 days past my birthday and the present I gave to myself is I finally dropped the last crutch. I am undergoing therapy now, cycling to make my leg relax and even out the pain and bring back the muscle it lost. Swimming also-physiotherapy underwater. This was damn painful at first but I always remembered the words of my doctor “this is pain you will have to endure, it never goes away until you work for it to go away”. So now my leg is not as swollen or as painful in fact I feel just fine, if I don’t over work it! Still on counseling and physiotherapy I’d be dammed if I wouldn’t be horse riding by the end of this year. And see I just wrote about it so I am indeed heading towards the right direction. Can someone please say, “happy new year!”

FEBRUARY

It is a month of love, February

I am not quite the person to advise you about love and its issues because I am not so conversant in that topic however, from the years I’ve had I can only afford to tell you this…

To all those who know what love means, practice it, enjoy it, it doesn’t come to the most of us. Unleash the vulnerability in you and take this chance to tell the one you love how you feel. You never know they just might be feeling the same then you go out and fill the worldJ

For those looking for love, stop searching, it is not an object to be sought. It will grow within you, it will blossom in you and find its way to you. So you can start by loving yourself and let love find youJ

For those who still don’t know what love is, well, keep reading my articles hahaha 😀

HAPPY LOVE MONTH.

 

SUNRISE IN BED

 He maintained his rhythm, steady dipping in and out, holding his breath and taking the whole moment in. She was finally here! Finally! He had managed the three months abstinence all because of her. She knew him well-sort of, always knew where to press, when to press it how to press, what buttons needed pressing and frankly speaking he did not want any other girl turning his once best moment into a vague memory. It was ecstatic not to mention her regalia to always play hard to get-it was always worth the wait. She was the one in more than just one way. He loved her, he loved her-he thought. She definitely did more than enough to make him abstain for 3 months and this was the day.

she lay supine on his bed, her perky creamy brown skinned breast pressing hard on his chest, her legs apart her aroma feeling the air. He held her tight as he took the moment in. Her body all shaped up evidence of the workup she had pulled up. Her waist slim and her butt protruded in resembles of the true African planes .His hand were roughed up rugged at her back and the other up under her neck. Looking past her and he let out a small groan almost an escape of a sigh. In out, slowly in and out. He could not look at her, she was too beautiful to face and what he was feeling was enough to have him release before engaging in any penetrations. She ruled his brain! This was it, he could not contain himself.

“I really do like you…alot” he said facing away, taking a long breath and sighed at the heaviness of that realization, steadily continuing with his rhythm,in and out. In the background some music playing-not really sure which one it was-it didn’t matter at all, it just completed the mood! She felt him penetrate her walls ,he cared, it was slow just as she had requested. Slow and steady ,she could feel him tremble above her and his struggle to say these words that weighed a lot on him.

“God I had really ,missed you”…sigh…still looking away not trying to bring himself to look at her face, still going in and out, still slow and steady. She looked at him from beneath his stature, her sight hitting his faintly bearded cheek. His eyes staring straight ahead in his own reverie and complete composure. She stretched to look at him all in vain. His face completely avoiding her piercing eyes.

“lemme get up top…” she interrupted his stream of thoughts

“no…no…”he whispered looking down and cupping his face on her shoulders .

“I don’t want…I don’t want to let go…i…just wanna stay here…just in here…hol…”he chocked in his words not having the strength to continue with it. Sigh “…don’t…” he stopped and went silent as if recovering from his sentimentally intense reverie still cupping his head deep into her shoulders ,mouth open and still avoiding her gaze.

“look at me…”she said… “look at me” she insisted in the whisper kissing his cheek and probing him to look at her. Slowly he raised his head still engaging in coitus and looked at her, his mouth open engaging in peeping escaping sighs, his eyes pierced straight into her ,into her eyes and she knew, she understood. He really did feel something for her. She looked at him, his body stretching up and down, slowly, at his eyes that confessed and tore his very ego apart. His cute nose… at his mouth, she leaned forward and tightly gave him a long wanting revealing kiss that left them both gasping for air after they let go off each other. Cupping his face between her hands she whispered.

“I missed you too a lot ”, and he smiled kissed her at the cheek and aggressively held her tight fastening his grip increased his movement in pitch for the climax. Together they reached down for it and he looked at her moistened face and thought she must have been the one.

“I love you”, he whispered, and there and then just realized what he had just said…