ALMOST DOESN’T COUNT

 

I peep from behind her as she is having a phone call. This being has got me into curves I didn’t even know existed, bones I didn’t know I had. She is complicated. Almost as if she knows exactly what hole she puts me in every time I see her!

“yaani u can’t stay a day without missing me…”she chuckles and breaks in her stiff neck as she rocks her head side to side. She stretches her arm to touch her neck lightly. Still in her conversation .Oh my that just turns me on like hell…she is so hot!

I stand and watch her engage in little undirected movements as she is indulging in the conversation on phone. She does her small sexy chuckle she always has. By the way who is she talking to? It has taken a while. I stand still and listen intently. Curse me but I was just protecting my sphere of influence-yeah I think I can still use my history vocabulary.

“Haha… I know…what? man yaani darsy came?”…that wakes me up from my so hot sexual fantasy. Darsy? who’s darsy?darsy is a man’s name right?

“OMG I’ve missed Darsy…how’s he?…….I feel like I missed out on a lot…. Awww…haha” another chuckle .Okay that’s it !

Time to show her who she really is with .I approach from behind and let my tongue go loose at her neck as she handles the phone. My hands as well, just to remind myself of how long I had stayed without feeling them feeling this. Mmmhh close to six months, mmmh she changed her perfume. This is a different scent all together I love it. My nibbles and kisses go as far enough that I hear a goodbye.

Silence

She getting into it, she has fallen into to my advances. She is quiet I now, as if waiting to see what will happen next. I pull her in as I devour on the neck slowly making letters with my tongue. She likes it. I can hear her small moans under my ears. Her breathing rate has increased and I could feel her tightly pressed breast on my chest. They are firm HESUS! as if demanding me to give them their fair share of pleasure.

I let go off her neck, and look at her. It’s there, it is her eyes…that perfect time they choose to be really sexy and irresistible. I look down at her. At her eyes, her nose slowly down to her lips engaging in small bits of escaping of breaths. I stare at her, at her lips. At how red the lower lip has turned now ,how sexy she is as she bits that lip JESUS!I go in for the ultimate goal. She retreats…what the hell!!you don’t get to that…NOT NOW! Sasa What’s wrong .

I look at her inquisitive, my eyes big with worry, confusion and will…trying to read between her eyes. I pull her closely tight to me. She puts her hand at my chest as if to defend herself from me.

Okay I get it. This is risky…any stupid move and I might aswell forget getting any tonight. I loosen up in the hope she will talk it over and I will have my way with it.

“What’s wrong?”I ask…in a whisper at her ears as I smoothly pull in for her neck and my hands down at her waist . ”why can’t you kiss me” I say as I stretch her to look at me.

“Because” she says as she looks past my shoulder to the other side completely avoiding my eye contact and a possiblility of a kiss.

“Because of what?” I say trying get her back to my eye leveled gaze without much effort she retreats ”what is it?”

“I don’t want to…” she says as she stubbornly refuses to abide by my plan.

She is leaning at my shoulder, her hands touching my chest. I am in a maroon hoodie jumper she ,in my black sweat coat. The day is freezing and she is also whispering to me in the whispers I’ve talked to her with. Maybe I am just too optimistic to think what she is saying is not what she really wants. She is enjoying this! me! She is enjoying the moment where I hold her tight and devour into her lustfully. She wants it she just pulling the hard to get card. OKAY, I’m gonna play this with her.

I rock us to the music that was playing in the sitting room as I let my hands free… To her ass, her back the spine, her neck. Making her feel me,my hands and what I want to do. Nibbling her at her neck and slowly rising. Her breaths near my ears…she’s getting into it. She slowly raises her head to meet mine and junction our noses together. She is afraid I can tell, she wants it but is too afraid to say it.

I look at her, and tilt to give her a smooth light kiss. I let go and tears run straight from her eyes. Boy this chick is really emotional, I kiss her again and wipe her tears carry her to the bedroom and lay her down to my bed. She makes it look different, I’m trying to be the romantic one!

“It’s okay…I’m here” I whisper at her ears while my body makes full contact with her. She is feeling it, I want her. I reach out for the kiss ,she doesn’t move, mmmh she getting into it. I kiss her tightly now, So does she. It is taking us to another world! My hands are on a wild trip everywhere on her. Softly and gently I hold her hair and pull her deep into my embrace of a searching kiss. Skillfully I remove my coat off her as I reach for the two magnificent hills at her chest. I devour on them softly, she moans as tears fall from her eyes. Now is this normal? My mind went into a wild uncomfortable trance before I could think of what was happening!

“I’m sorry…I …I can’t” she interrupted my thoughts as she hurriedly jumped off the bed fixing her top. I’m left astonished

“what the hell just happened!”my thoughts screamed at me.

I jumped out of bed and followed her

“Gloria! wait! Glo…..!”she is gone out. I look down there, the natural perpendicular 90Ÿ is vehemently outraged at the sheer lack of glue skills.

“aaaarrrgghh” I can’t follow her

“shit!”

I pace around like a stupid fool!

Image

“shit!”

I AM KENYAN

 

 

I read in a post of how Kenyans didn’t own to their tribes much that if and when they are asked “What tribe are you?”they answered “I am Kenyan” they didn’t actually want to reveal their identity in the lines of tribes in fear of being judged and placed under the typical stereotypical lines that normally come with being a certain tribe.

You ask me “what tribe I’m I from?” and I would confidently say “I am Kenyan” not because I don’t want to take pride in whatever biological tribe that claims me but because a tribe for is nothing more than a five letter word meant to bring destruction and unity all at the same time for the same kind of people.

I mean what rules state what tribe you are from? Is it the tribe that you grew from? The tribe’s language you can fluently speak? Or the tribe your father comes from considering Kenyan is a patriarchal country. Is it the tribe your mother comes from or the tribe you’re most likely to shema English words? Is it the tribe most of your family relatives are from? The tribe your body anatomy features resemble most? The tribe both of you names are from? I mean what guidelines are there to determine what tribe you are from?

In this era of intermarriages ,what are the odds you will get a clean uncontaminated tribe! Take me for example, my name is Wanza Andengah-most of you might actually not get it but I hold two different names from different tribes-Luhya and Kamba…YES Wanza Is actually Kamba and not Kikuyu. My father is Luyha and my mother is Kamba and as much as I should be more conversant with the patriarchal side I can only manage the simple and over used pleasantries, Kamba however I can speak a few words better than actually Luyha. This I attribute to its resemblance to the community I have been brought up in all my life-Kikuyu.I speak and understand more Kikuyu than I do any of my biological tribes. My immediate sister on the other hand is named to the luyha decent-Asiko Andengah, Akhaya Mwanaidi Andengah and Syombua Andengah. As you have seen the common name there is Andengah-that being our family name. Take a look at the second name from Akhaya which is luyha– Mwanaidi –is actually a name derived from one of the coastal communities(I can’t quite remember which but I remember the family stories from the coast ). This is the aunty to my grandmother who married a Luo and brought my dad and his brothers up all having different names from different decents and tribes. So if you were to put my external family together, it would consist majority of Luo and Luyha’s names, however, they all know very little of the Luo tribe and not so fluent Luyha either! My mum on the other side has a decent of Taita and Kamba and know more of Kamba than actually Taita which is the patriarchal tribe! Infact I don’t even know a Taita word because my mum father died when she was young and she lived with the mother since then so anybody who came in later dwelled on the Kamba which became the native language for my mother, her siblings and immediate bloodline.

This might not actually apply to direct blood connection but if you look deep into the family all my father’s siblings have married or been married from a different communities-kikuyu, Luo, Giriama and Luyha, my mum’s side-Kikuyu, Maasai, German, Kamba and Kisii. So imagine what language we speak when we go for a simple family get together!

A few years back during the last national conflicts that preceded the elections, my father and two of my sisters had gone to visit his mother in Kakamega, Asiko and Akhaya and Ashisoma- all luyha names. On their trip back, the conflicts had relatively increased to a point where there were roadblocks put in place in the Kisumu Nairobi highway-this is the normal route we use to come back to Nairobi-our Nairobi being Kabete(a Kikuyu’s native land).As any vehicle theirs was stopped and they were required to remove their ID’s and speak the required language-luyha or luo atleast two to three words. The men were inquest of “kikuyu blood” that’s what they said. Luckily my family members were not either kikuyu blood or Kamba for that matter-at least at the point in time and they knew the pleasantries! But imagine if I was to have travelled with them, maybe I wouldn’t be writing this because my name-Wanza would have betrayed me to the panga in the assumption of being part of the “other blood”! That I did not belong to! Better yet I know not of its customs, traditions or even the language itself, the same would apply to luyha or kikuyu or any other native language for that matter.

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So you ask me what tribe I’m I and I cannot really give you a CLEAR answer but say I am Kenyan. I have all tribes in me, I believe in what makes us Kenyans and not what breaks us. I believe in the many bloodlines that run through my veins because if not Kenyan, what else would you have me be?

RUN AWAY LOVE

 

white-flying-bird

My heart was continuously aching thinking that could be the one. He must have, I mean I know we were children, naïve but now I know what he felt, what made me. He left me or did I let him be? He must have been the one, because how come the rest were just flap cakes ,why did he have to rise to ripen to be sweet while the rest weren’t doing anything to the same effect? I looked for him I wanted him again. I wanted a second chance to maybe just talk to him, see him maybe just have a handshake. A verification he was indeed alive I wanted this for close to six years now and I remember the fragrance on his letters ,the handwriting that came with it, his smile everything. He left no stone unturned and I only knew after years passed-talk of the passing era. He was the cinnamon in my bakery; the secret ingredient and I knew not. At times I figured the lord had taken him, I mourned I cried and felt ashamed of myself for I wasn’t able to reciprocate what he gave. I was selfish, egocentric and self-centered. I called God for a conversation and told him what I felt, begged for forgiveness. Day after day to dust I prayed for his soul that whatever happened or is happening to him may the Lord restore his soul. I lived in this, his actions. Maybe one day I will get to see him, maybe God will give me an opportunity to be his friend at most or him my guardian angel, that is what I want. Hear me wherever you are and come back to me, the one that got away, to you I write, his ever present nature!

 

CAMPUS DIVAS FOR OLDER MEN

 

 

Larry revived this topic on the trend last week, wait I think it started in the news first of this campus girl who dates older men and gets all the good life and stuff like that and people were all up in her business, how immoral she is, how can she do that, she is a cheap whore and the K.O.T were not forgiving as always I mean I think everyone was throwing one on how the girl had gone wrong ,with the likes of Antoneosoul and Shiku giving their opinions on the trend amongst many other people .Except me. I do not necessarily conform to her idea of living but if to live for her it means going with older men then so be it. We all know not all that are alive are living so, what are you doing with your life??

I think all these people are being hypocritical and applying double standards. You are here saying how immoral she is and how she lacks standard and even praise yourself for being where you are yet when we look into your life you’re no saint either! Hypocrites! Jesus called them, you who think you’re better than anyone else enough to brand them names what can you say about yourself?

spoiled apple with worm

Everybody has their reasons for what they do it, so before you stand up and throw your harsh judgment find the reason behind that action before branding her the name yet if given her shoe you wouldn’ t have done better! maybe even worse!

SO STOP YOU HYPOCRITICAL SOCIETY

You praise your pal for having a string of girlfriends fucking different cunt every night and you’re here calling the girl a slut? nigga look at yourself first what would you be?

You married man, calling the girl immoral yet behind your wife’s back you proudly have a mpango wa kando! what would you call yourself, you’re the one that made the vows not her!

You man who calls her a gold digger what are you doing claiming to have a 20’s pussy! and bragging that to your 40’s years old friends…calling it “fresh meat…umeachana na sukuma wiki” what would you call yourself.

You woman calling her cheap and how she’s tarnishing the feminine image, have you looked at your history? how many have you slept with or is sleeping with? and your here passing judgments and names.

It takes the bad to know the good and a day to make a night, regardless of what you are or what you do, as long as you are human as anybody else you’ve got no right to brand any person least we open you up and see what name you truly. These things were always there and will always be there if nothing is done.

If you don’t like it do something about it not just rant-those are my mum’s words.

He said “whoever hasn’t sinned let him throw the first stone”.

BREAKING A HORSE

 

I had stayed for long without riding, by long I mean months close to six, actually I think the last time I rode was in January. I knew I would suck at first but riding a horse is like riding a bicycle you never forget it, you will be rusty at first but definitely not totally forgetting it. I planned to start riding again at least have 1 hour of riding each week. That would translate to having a day off the weekend to ride for 1.30 hours or I would steal 30min lunch ride on the weekend;30 min on Saturday the other 30 on Sunday.

I started it this weekend.

Saturday- my day back on Icelegend. I had had my first fall on her as I did my first canter back in December last year and as I did my really perfect trot my canter was off the roof, literally. I was everywhere ,my positions were all wrong, I was bouncing all over ,I couldn’t control her ,I kept pulling to a trot and leaning forward as I cantered ,breathing with sheer disappointment, my legs were just wrong; my heels up and toes down-completely wrong positions for riding, even for the most basic of riding. My canter was just a mess! Sigh

 

I was really disappointed in myself, I had 1 hour riding and all I did was utter disappointment. I was hard on myself because I knew everything, I knew the right positions and in everything yet I did the wrong ones instead and plus I had had an hour or riding instead of the set thirty minutes of totally awesome riding. That was a disgrace. I did though understand that things will come slowly that I shouldn’t beat myself so hard coz I had stayed for long without riding and it will all come back to me slowly, but I’m no patient one and I had the rest if the afternoon passed with me sinking in my disappointed circle.

Sunday- now this is the day that deserves the title breaking the horse.

At 12.30 I set out to ride. My second attempt at it. Having had Icelegend one too many times and it being busy almost the whole day I chose to take a pony instead. If you have seen me you’ll see how heavy I seem to portray to the world so I choose a pony that I knew was strong enough for me. This was a different attempt on me and pretty daring knowing well how stubborn that horse is. Any way I did take Whisper, a big pony known well for being stubborn, backing and notorious for throwing people off its back.

Whisper it is. As always before any riding lesson you have a round of walk before collecting a trot, so I had my one round of walk with whisper taking its time to make any step, my attempted kicks didn’t do it any justice it took it’s time to walk, I knew exactly what to expect. It had already established the rider and it had decided we were going to play its game with it being the boss.

In horse riding there are two forces fighting; the horse and the rider. The rider should be the boss however if the horse senses your afraid or weak, you will seize to be no boss. It will take over and you (the team) -will do as it wants. Challenge now is to always make sure the horse knows you are the boss, and understand it has to do as instructed.

falling-off-the-horse

My instructor requested for a trot so I kicked whisper for a trot and after my many kicks it started trotting, after half the arena, it stopped suddenly and began its usual attempts of getting the rider off it’s back by backing its hind legs consequently throwing you off the air and if you’re not well positioned you will get off.

 

My many kicks and whips got lost in its stubborn head, I was determined to make him go by myself and so I held tight making sure my legs positions were right and even though it backed hard I stuck up there like a tick and after its glorious defeat I won and we had a good ride.

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My trot was perfect, after a few rounds of trot I collected my canter. I was more stable on the canter and I even had three complete rounds of nonstop canter and later on started on a jump. I did two jumps though because that was my first try on a jump. I did not rest the whole time, it was rounds of 10meters,5 meters ,20 meters and full arena rounds of canters and trots. At the finish if it I was super exhausted but happy I had spent the exact 30 minutes and I was able to do all I wanted. Now that is what it means to have a good ride-it is just a different slice of heaven no knows about except the rider.

 

Breaking a horse-an expression used by riders to refer to making a stubborn horse conform to you

Trot-is a faster movement from a walk

Canter-is a horse movement that resembles a gallop but slower than a gallop and faster than a trot.

 

 

All riding levels have different riding positions. I can’t wait for next week, I will be having whisper again.

 

FILM MAKERS TABLE #2

 

In the advent of planning for the shoot my team met again as if to set everything perfect for the set shoot days, considering we were funding ourselves; students with no particular income to claim for the production, finances were a problem as always. Any way people were willing to bring their all and I was confident all was gone be alright until I got a call from my D.O.P.

In transit my D.O.P called and explained his worries on the script and requested a writer’s workshop for conscious. As I said earlier I needed my team comfortable with the script and possible film at hand and so when he requested for a workshop of conscious I agreed. Together with my 1st AD we went for the meeting that comprised of three different writers and my team totaling it to seven people .

Conscious! possibly the script that has made my head twitch in way too many different levels it hurts.

The meeting was good, eye opening and definitely informing. We read the script again and everybody said what they got from the script and how well to present it to the audience for a better understanding. Once again conscious will be going through some changes but I am not worried.

A film maker once told me “do not degrade your idea to conform to the society, instead give the society what it wants at the time and wait for it to call for it”

what-the-bleep-do-we-know-down-the-rabbit-hole

 

So conscious is on hold for now but another film is upcoming. #MURDER WEAPON#