THE BLACK SEA(to my father)

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The thought still lingers

I lost the man

The royal chambers of a man in my life

He was supposed to be my super man

 

 

He saw no evil

Feared no one and

Definitely bent to no customs

He was supposed to be my super man

 

My gentle heart

My innocent soul

He beared with his hands and everything was made right because

He was supposed to be my super man

 

Now another species has him captive

More demanding than me it seems

His human nature leading him to lust

They called it “going astray”

I just know it as losing my super man

 

Did you know how that pierced my heart?

To know that it is he that left?

He that went for another?

He that saw us unimportant no more?

He that valued her than my own flesh?

 

 

Did you also know that

I’m a drunk, I’m a drug addict of sorts?

Did you know that it was never a music I wanted to hear?

Did you think about of us, your children before you left?

 

Do you know that now no words fall well with me?

No man can I trust

That I see all pretence and harbor bitterness upon my very sight?

 

I thought you dint!

Because if you did then you would know

That your baby girl is hurting and sinking in an unforgiving black sea.

That she lost all hope when you left

And that she no longer believes in you

Oh vain superman!

That the black sea is indeed swallowing her whole!

The black sea!

 

THE EULOGY

 

To whoever it may concern, that’s how I figured I may start this article because for some reason I have not been able to write for long. This is normally an issue, meaning something somewhere is amiss, something is wrong or somethings are wrong. Well I cannot say enough but yes, a lot has happened lately. My world or at least what revolved around my world came to a stand still molesting my one believe and my turning me to the other side. In deep waters I lay still and numb and trying to start a life with the other world He gave to me. You all know how it is to start afresh .

I figured I was strong, I have been strong but the more I caved it in the more I became stone. Most of you would know that I lost my job, my first hand element in my life and though I kept a strong stature about it I realize I was a bit down and maybe hurt. There are no exact word I would use to describe that feeling but maybe a close one is I felt empty. I am never good at being idle and my job gave me something to always think about time and time again considering I was schooling and working at the same time. Life was good. I loved that I was a busy body and that’s all that mattered. So anyway I lost my job and confined myself in the hostel room from them on. My excuse was ,I did not want to go home, because everybody would be in face trying to see how I was faring on and how I was handling the fact that I lost my job, if I was at ease ,stressed and list whatever emotions that come hand in hand with losing things you love. Anyway this is not what I was fishing for ,I don’t like being pitied and I had to come to fact with the situation, deal with it and move on without people(family) speculating about my feelings. So I did cave myself in my hostel room till now.

As if that wasn’t all I lost a friend and my love, well yes I now admit, it was more than I ever intended to be. This cards were not intended to be like this, not with me lamenting on a public platform and this is not a public eulogy I swear but we all have got to do what we got to do to move on. I have to move past that ,you know what they call healing and stuff…anyway yes I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I figured it didn’t affect me, that I would go all macho and strong. This happened right about the same time I lost my job, even more a reason to not go home. My feelings were written down straight to my face. If you know me well…well even if you don’t but you’ve had an encounter with me you will notice my ever warm smiley cheerfully personality. This vanished and I had things to myself and not talking to anyone just doing my ever time consuming school projects and dream of us, having flashes of memories created! talk of a hopeless romantic me!

I lost a big part of me. See I’ve always dream’t that I would have a family ,my husband and kids and you know, just a good life you know of abundance and laughter…well of course there’s the other side too of misery, a little frustration and you know…just shit life brings to us. Oh well let’s just say my dreams were shattered by my very own father, friend,father figures and  so many men in my life choosing to go the mpango wa kando way. I have seen the many marriages based on lies deception and cheating and I don’t presume mine will be any different any way what I am trying to say is that a lot has changed in me . I have hardened and I was denying myself a chance to get out of this. Today, now, I write and that’s a good thing, I cry and also I can listen to music so I think I am on the right track. I have decided that I will write come shine or rain. I will make a schedule and write on a weekly basis .You will have to bear with me when I write about work…well we are all entitled to have memories. It time to get this dark suffocating blanket off me.

 

 

To whoever it may concern, that’s how I figured I may start this article because for some reason I have not been able to write for long. This is normally an issue, meaning something somewhere is amiss, something is wrong or somethings are wrong. Well I cannot say enough but yes, a lot has happened lately. My world or at least what revolved around my world came to a stand still molesting my one believe and my turning me to the other side. In deep waters I lay still and numb and trying to start a life with the other world He gave to me. You all know it hard to start afresh again.

I figured I was strong, I have been strong but the more I caved it in the more I became stone. Most of you would know that I lost my job, my first hand element in my life and though I kept a strong stature about it I realize I was abit down and maybe hurt. There are no exact word I would use to describe that feeling but maybe a close one is I felt empty. I am never good at being idle and my job gave me something to always think about time and time again considering I was schooling and working at the same time. Life was good. I loved that I was a busy body and that’s all that mattered. So anyway I lost my job and confined myself in the hostel room from them on. My excuse was ,I did not want to go home, because everybody would be in face trying to see how I was faring on and how I was handling the fact that I lost my job, if I was at ease ,stressed and list whatever emotions that come hand in hand with losing things you love. Anyway this is not what I was fishing for ,I don’t like being pitied and I had to come to fact with the situation, deal with it and move on without people(family) speculating about my feelings. So I did cave my elf in my hostel room till now.

As if that wasn’t all I lost a friend and my love, well yes I now admit, it was more than I ever intended to be. This cards were not intended to be like this, not with me lamenting on a public platform and this is not a public eulogy I swear but we all have got to do what we got to do. I have to move past that ,you know what they call healing and stuff…anyway yes I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I figured it didn’t affect me, that I would go all macho and strong. This happened right about the same time I lost my job, even more a reason to not go home. My feelings were written down straight to my face. If you know me well…well even if you don’t but you’ve had an encounter with me you will notice my ever warm smiley cheerfully personality. This vanished and I had things to myself and not talking to anyone just doing my ever time consuming school projects and dream of us, having flashes of memories created! talk of a hopeless romantic me!

I lost a big part of me. See I’ve always dreamt that I would have a family ,my husband and kids and you know, just a good life you’ll of abundance and laughter…well of course there’s the other side too of misery, a little frustration and u know just shit life brings to us. Oh well let’s just say my dreams were shattered by my very own father , friend uncle so many men in my life choosing to go the mpango wa kando way. I have seen the many marriages based on lies deception and cheating and I don’t presume mine will be any different any way what I am trying to say is that a lot has changed in me . I have hardened and I was denying myself a chance to get out of this. Today, now, I write and that’s a good thing, I cry and also I can listen to music so I think I am on the right track. I have decided that I will write come shine or of this rain. I will make a schedule and write on a weekly basis .You will have to bear with me when I write about job-well we are all entitled to have memories. It time to get this dark suffocating blanket off me.

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