WEARY

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My heart closes

Every time for you

In the envision of tomorrow

 

Forgive me

But a burnt house cannot come back to its original state

That I accept as I recognize once bitten

twice shy.

 

I maybe naïve from the look

Soft from the feel

But hardcore inside

Call it being shy

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I cannot however

Understand why you would still want me

I wouldn’t do that if I was me

So weary , I’m I? being,

Cautious of everything.

For I have been there

And am afraid of being there again!

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FILM MAKERS TABLE

 

As planned earlier Elsie reminded us of the meeting time and date. Yeah you guessed it ; I’m talking about conscious. Maybe this was the most profound thing I felt we did on the pre-production stage of conscious. I had my team ready(the relevant people)my D.O.P (Kmani Wandaka), 1st AD (Hellen Masido a.k.a Sydo),production manager(Agatha Chebet),project manager(Elsie Opondo),myself (director) and the producer(Sandra Nyawira )* who later on came late* have a sit down and discuss on the script at hand.

Having being the script writer and knowing the complexity of the script I had to know what my team felt about the production they set themselves into, what they understood from it, the first message they got from it and just rough issues on the script. So everybody went round talking of what they felt about conscious , how they understood it and how they figured the market/audience would understand by it.

To say the least, they are very intelligent and creative people and each one of them got a glimpse of what conscious was all about. So after everyone of them talked I gave them what is saw in conscious since I had a better understanding. The debate(discussion )was revealing and to say the least took the group about three or more hours of discussion for an 8 paged script later on hopefully 8minute film. That’s just how complicated conscious is.

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At the close, having heard the external critic as well as the teams opinion, conscious’ verdict was made. We(rather)I was going back to the drawing board to edit a few areas for a better understanding of the soon to be film .I was excited and frankly I felt an offload from my back, and that we were on the right track with conscious and I was confident despite all hurdles it will come out right. I am indeed looking forward for the shoot :).

STILL IN A TRANCE

 

WORK: Day one, boy I had forgotten how cold this place was. Just one day after moving out of school I was called in for work on a Sunday. I had no problem waking up early in fact I was dreaming of seeing the horses again and I couldn’t wait. The previous night was a good night which was arguably spent well considering the nights I had spent in school(K.U’s bedbug problems and a bunch of deadlines to meet)this one I watched TV, fashion police and when normally I wouldn’t make a fuss out of it(out of watching TV), this I should because, well I couldn’t remember the last time I watched telly so you just got to bear with me. I was happy to just sit and watch fashion police not running around with your head clicking about the deadlines to meet and assignments to hand in or C.A.T’s to read for or better yet exams! I was relaxed and my day was better-I think that’s the best way to describe it ‘better ‘.

 

I was broke so yes the call was received in the affirmative and as I sat in I thought of how I had really missed the place, how I really wanted to see the stables and horses go say hi to Ice legend and Zawadi(my favorite horse and pony and even magical star-the horse that was in foul when I left). I was out the house by seven ;that’s aaam weird but yes I actually was out of the house by seven. To think that was the only thing that had changed ,I was proved wrong ,even my home has changed to some degree and I was marveling at how things were. Our lastborn is now the most talkative-yes I stand no chance when I’m with her so you imagine how much she actually talks and now she’s even beat me at being super active! my brother is now the cool guy and my mum is looking younger by the day-even younger than me! waaat!! she makes me wonder how she does that-I can’t help but stare at her in awe; doesn’t make any sense she even sexier aaarggh!-I mean isn’t it supposed to be the opposite-like she doesn’t get any better than I am ,right? but thinking about it, if I’m gonna age with style as she has then I’ve got problem. Finally the parking is under construction…FINALLY-we’ve…wait I’ve waited for years for this. Anyway back to my story, so I reach Karen ;a feeling of nostalgia hits me-the Langata road-signpost ,the 111 matatu’s and motor bikes that used to come get me, the Kenchic, the city clock, oh it is 8.05am, two more minutes to job, I enter the gate; all cool and set, the weather chilly as usual cars parked at the gate, a few fouls at the back jumping.

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I go round greeting the horses and some of my colleagues that were around, the fouls have grown really big now. The ground is wet and green however some of the stables were demolished, my heart cries. I enter my office, a feeling of nostalgia –I look at the booking sheet , doesn’t seem to be busy maybe because of the previous rain(not a good weather for riding) and possibly because the holidays were just around the corner. I examine the book and see ice legend in for a booking and I immediately shift to remember my first canter and fall on her, her really bad miscarriage and I went to see her other foul-Ice waterfall-he’s getting really big now and preparations for getting him into racecourse for racing are underway. He should go have some work done and reduce all this weight he’s gained since I last saw him. He turned out to be a handsome young horse. I walk past him to see Magical star and her heavily pregnant stomach eating. Past her to see the legend racing horse Charlie’s angel and her broken leg, it’s getting better now she can stand on it and her limp is not as big as I left it. She is eating hay as well, she sees me staring at her and comes forth to great me. I had missed her. I can see Zawadi(the pony)looking at me a the opposite side if the stable but as I reach toward her ,the first booking arrive and time to stop my tour and do what actually made me come here. I arrange for everything and set them into their different arenas and their specific instructors. I am envious at them as I see all of them trying to collect a canter with Valentino and Ice legend thinking quietly -I wish it was me riding.

It‘s quieter than it used to be ;my mind wonders a lot and I almost wish I was sleeping. Out in to the fields, it’s lunch time already .I had already forgotten the trend here, mum warned me of eating something before leaving and I did not heed to her wise words so my stomach rumbles hard as if to ignore the message from my brain that we will not have anything for lunch. That leads me to sit on the dead logs in the fields looking at our small “maasai mara”-our small forest dedicated for pony rides alone. I think and my mind wonders almost into a sleep notch, well not entirely sleeping but recapping some memories of the good days, bad, awesome times as the sun’s heat hits hard my dark skin. My mind still wonders in a trance.

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FILMING

 

So I wrote a this script in less than 15 minutes early one morning about two years ago. It is a short film called conscious. Well for now, maybe I’ll change the name depending on the critic I get on the script. This article is pretty much about it.

Under normal circumstances ,in production I am always ALWAYS the talent, never the crew or creative team, I always make sure I’m casted .I love being on set, it brings me a different joy nothing else does and it’s just liberating ;a chance to get out of this world (and frankly not to be me ) and actually survive, chance of killing people without the consequence of it.JI LOVE acting call me for anything I’ll answer. Then again when you go to film school, in my case K.U. your realize you had other talents within you. You get interested in other aspects of production that appeal to you.

You are taught about all the departments of filming (screenwriting, make-up, costume, D.O.P, lights ,sound directing ) e.t.c so yes I found out I had the ability to write, so I set out to exploit this gift. In a few years conscious was born.

Conscious is basically a script ,well ,soon to be short film about the brain and its healing capabilities. It encampuses the strong abilities of the brain to the erroneous human nature and how it metamorphoses’ to suit the character’s (person) feelings towards something. It touches on religion and sex and how it affects our outlook of the society in general hence determining the nature of our behavior ,personality and character without our knowledge of it.

So now two years off writing I figured it’s time to have conscious ready for the consumer and I am happy to pronounce that it will be produced and shot in June ,yes this coming June and yours truly will be directing it .J This is a good thing, I mean me directing the film considering this is my first production to be part of the creative team and plus it is my script and I know how well to portray the moments in the script. I’m shaking though ,maybe nervous would be the ideal way to call it and I just don’t know how it’s going to turn out however I have the best team behind me, and especially now I am confident it will be okay ,judging from my school radio project I directed that was really awesome. I am sure this will turn out okay. Wish me luck and pop in to see how filming works.

 

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know what you’re brain can do and why

 

A DEATH JAB

 

A flash; could be a blink of an eye, which could take years ,moments, happenings in life, hours and even seconds or milliseconds depending on who or what is blinking and what situation.

The relationship between humans and animals, weird strange and abnormal for some .

The attachment we get to have with something we took so for granted.

The colic

I enter the work gate, people on are on the horses already riding. The sand arena looks pretty occupied for an 8 A.M. ride. I look at them do their dressage, canters others in trots while one doing a jump,the show is approaching no wonder everybody is trying to be prepaid and oh I know this dude approaching this way!

“Morning?”

“Morning!” seems like a good morning to me I think as I pass the cars packed in the muddy entrance alley.

“I see they started early today?” I ask, “oh yes it’s an early morning for us today!” he said cheerfully with his Japanese accent. I pass by and greet my colleagues who were already tending to their specific horses while some instructors stepping in to their respective classes, some white children (clients) make a hullabaloo while having a fit- in on their helmets.

Still walking past the sand arena towards the welcome board that’s beside the umbrella tree. Samson passes dragging her along, James runs quickly dragging her to meet-up with her speed yet she can hardly stand. She is Ally Mc Beal; a brown horse, her shade is dark and not common with many horses. She is soft and welcoming and probably the next loved horse in that stable apart from Expresso (a soft tender mid-height black horse). She is hardworking * well…putting it in our language*, she was the real deal.

Her skin is wet, legs feeble,nostrils wet. It is 8.25 A.M. Sam(ally’s syce) and James(head syce of the stabble) push her to walk by force .I wonder what’s wrong. This is a new situation to me, they pass by me and I look at her struggle to be at her feet. She disappears at the hind arenas and I walk in to my office. It is open; I get in, place my bags and check the schedule in my schedule book; for the booked clients and horses for the morning .I go out to see if the booking has been transferred to the scheduling board. On my way I see Timmy in Milkah’s hand(one of our syce’s),an adorable little boy who also happens to be my cousin, I pick him up and start and baby conversation.

“Mummy’s riding”,

I tell him (making small talk that children don’t really understand) then I proceed to the board, all is in order. I turn to peep at Ally struggling more. Her skin has now darkened more than usual due to the sweat, her legs can hardly support her now especially with the slippery muddy ground making It hard to be stable but she has to keep walking for her survival. See the thing is this,Ally had a serious colic problem,she normally had colic, almost every other day.

*Colic is a stomach condition normally found in horses,it resembles a human stomach upset.Symptoms,the horse has the urge to lie down -which is abnormal with a horse.In fact any sickness symptom of a horse is normally characterized by lying down.It can be managed by preventing the horse from lying down or staying still in this case a horse needs to be on the move until it stops having the urge of lying down,consequently colic.It is a very deadly disease and is normally caused by ingestion of uneven mixer of horse feed.Yes horses don’t only eat hay*

Anyway I watch them struggle with her, to make her stand, to make her move to save her life! As they struggle with their own feet at the so slippery muddy arena alleys.

Mutua(the co-owner of the stable) drives in quickly enters the office into the medicine fridge and takes an injection and fills it up with painkillers to the desired level , he runs out to Ally. On arrival he gets really agitated at the aggrevated situation of Ally and the blame game almost starts as the syces try to explain the occurrences of the day. Carefully examining the neck with his hands he gives Ally one jab “ebu mtembeshe” he orders. Holding the reins Sam struggle to lift Ally up, James behind encouraging her with the ‘horsey-human’ conversation (mostly clicks and calling Ally’s name). She is up ,Sam pulls as James follows closely chasing her in the mud and encouraging her not to lay down which her body wants to so badly.

She is back up, for the second jab almost immediately, no change! Her skin now dripping sweat,this condition has never been this serious.Her nostrils as well,her eyes having difficulty opening. She is entered into her stable, Vijay (the stable vet) drives in quickly with his tools. Ally is in pain, this is the worst she’s ever been, and the colic is killing her. We knew she had a problem with colic but it never was like this. It is now 10 A.M . She cannot sleep because if she does she will roll in the attempt to cool off her stomach upset so she has to stand yet her stomach is proving too heavy for her legs and her body just wants to lie down.

Ally is getting worse! Vijay confirms with Mutua on the painkillers he had delivered to her earlier, and then gave us that look that says something bad is with you!

“The sad thing is that, there is no horse surgery in Kenya, So she has…” silence…. “She has to go”.

I look at James and Sam as they try and rotate Ally in her stable in the attempt to keep her alive yet her days are here. Vijay and Mutua outside discussing her condition and remedy. Vijay reaches out to take a jab, a jab that would be Ally’s last jab. The needle sinks in the bottle sucking out and into Ally’s shoulder. Ally is restless but breathing but not anymore in 30 seconds. Ally’s pain was relieved by the death jab, she was at peace. It is now 10.15am.

It took just two hours to lose her, just two hours and Ally was gone. It a pity we don’t value animals as ourselves or maybe it’s just a pity she was in Kenya and nothing could be to save her except the unending pain killer jabs. That it’s a pity we don’t have any horse surgeons in Kenya or worse vets or maybe it’s just unfortunate this was a third world country.

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*syce- horse handler*

SAVE ANIMALS.

Advocating for animal medical labs, sciences and research and institutions. Ally would still be if she had gone through the surgery as it should be!