They said I was fine, I represented well the African beauty, that I was now a woman and they touched me all over .Some even mentioned that I could really get money if only I had a change of clothes. Looking at the man old enough to be my father’s god father’s stretched hand I remembered the death of my father, my mother’s abandonment and my brothers illness. See I wasn’t ready to live this life alone and now that all my family members were absent the only person I lived for was my brother, my small brother who was terribly affected by the fact that mum saw us as nothing more than trouble in this world. The word she could utter when my brother and I were concerned was “mashida”. My brother in his childish way of thinking knew my mum had gone to get him chocolate, looking at mum parking I knew this was the end of my having a parent. Eliud was so innocent and happy and enthusiastic of mum’s departure and she made him believe she would bring him chocolate. Her eyes looked at me and I saw betrayal right through her. My eye automatically became wet and I sobbed begging her not to “mother please don’t” I begged but seems my words laid in deaf ears. “Dragging her behind”, she said, I was trouble and that she deserved better. Taking her things she took the bag I had already taken from her .  Eliud was happy talking in his baby  language “mashy mama ete chocoyet” and he laughs happily. I stood in the middle of the situation, mama, going and Eliud laughing childishly and my eyes couldn’t stop ,I tried ,I really did but seems I wasn’t strong enough for the situation that lay before me. Being the only parent for Eliud I had to wipe the tears off and be a parent. Thinking  Eliud with me was probably the act that pronounced me as the grown up. His cry for mum was maybe the worst experience I had  with eliud, his chocolate was the only thing that had hit him seriously and to him mama was just running late. Taking my small brother in my trembling arms and wet eyes not knowing what to do we just cried together to sleep. The dawn of the next day dictated that I had to fend for my brother and the streets were the only place I had seen people go and borrow money and food and there is where I decided to retrieve to. This was after a three days of staying in our cold ‘mabati’ houses. Eliud stopped speaking due to the hunger and cold in that house and though I tried my best to keep him warm my best proved not to enough , for him at least. Cough , cough was the only sound from his lips, the laughter went with mama and even though a kid,he felt it. This morning however seemed the only day I had left to see my brother and to the streets I went. Passing through cars , big ones and men who look at me with my small body I didn’t know what they said and meant. It’s like I was  invisible because everybody ignored my small hand that was trying to fit in to this world. All they did was giggle, look at me with scornful eyes and point at me, nothing that made sense to me. Back in my mind I knew they were laughing at my tattered clothes but that didn’t bother me at all as long as I had Eliud’s food. A hand stretched to my direction and I knew God had surely heard my prayers and this was His answer. Looking up I saw him smiling and he said that all I needed was a change of clothes, that I was pretty and that he would help me if I did him and I said yes. In his room I entered, food was in my mind. He approached me and told me to be comfortable and that I should even rest in his bed so he could bring food. True to his word, he came out and brought me food but my mind was on Eliud and how I will get him to hospital. Taking some soda I saved the rest for eliud’s supper. Sitting at the corner of the bed, he approached ,looking at me and he mend my hair that was laying loosely on my dry forehead putting it behind my ears and lifting my eyes I saw him grin, and in a moment he lifted me up to the centre of the bed. I was scared out of my bones and this was no longer  a food search. His belt made a noise and I could tell he just opened it and my child instincts told me “run !” and I did. Pouncing from the bed I ran for the door. He grabbed me from behind and told me If I dared scream he would kill me. Taking my shoulders he lifted me and dropped me at the centre of the bed. Covering my tiny body with the shadow of his image…SCREAM!!!!!


That was the beginning of my lone life.


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